A Graceful Answer - Uma Resposta Cheia The Graça

I remember you said once that neutrality is next to godliness. What daily practices can you recommend from your own experience to bring this to life? Asked on 07/16/14 by Filip Galetic

Answer From Alanis

Thanks for your question.
I have a couple of rituals that bring me to this neutrality….

1–If i have a heavy feeling in me….a healthy vent-sesh with a friend helps..just to get that current of energy (anger, frustration, disappointment, grief…etc) moving in a constructive way. My friends and I offer this to each other..sometimes on a bicycle…sometimes in a sauna…sometimes after dinner (i don’t recommend doing it while you eat!)…..whenever the person listening (their blessed souls!) is ready for it….and up for it. And this offer always goes both ways. Alison Armstrong calls this generous listening “holding the bucket” for someone. It is a deeply generous act…one that helps the sharer stay physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy–and clear.

2–I journal my face off and I don’t mince words (cut to me, as a kid, throwing my journals in the fireplace after my mom found one once…these days, they are hidden away :). i just go for it. This moves the energy. and clarifies.

3—Deep breathing helps. but NOT if it is a way to shove something under the rug. Only as a way to send the message to these feelings that i am here, in my body, and ready to listen.

4–Talking to “parts of myself.” Carl Jung, and in a more modern way, Debbie Ford, among others, have heralded the virtues of speaking with various aspects of ourselves to find the answers we seek…and the visions that will guide us (including the wish for neutrality and…ultimately..what neutrality provides us…which is a sense of peace.).
it looks something like this, for me:

I ask the part of me that clearly needs attention (maybe it will be “the part of me that is enraged”, or “the part of me that knows the answer to this 5 years from now” or “the part of me that is deeply wise” or “the part of me that is heartbroken” etc.)
i visualize this part of me sitting across from me, and i ask “them” these questions (i then get pin-drop silent and listen to the answers they give me, sometimes in the form of words, or feelings in my body…or a symbol or picture):
1–what wisdom or insight do you have for me
2–what do you need from me
3–what action can i take to give you what you need
4–is there anything else you need me to know

i do the above ritual so often i can do it in 20 seconds now, in my car, in the shower, a bathroom stall…wherever, whenever i need some clarity about something i am stuck around. I make sure that i include “the opposite part” of the first part i “speak with”. So…as an example: if i speak with the part of me that is scared. I make sure when i am done i speak to the part of me that is deeply courageous as well. there often is a whole other set of answers that emerge when we engage with the opposite part of the challenge that is very helpful.

5—sometimes, (and only sometimes, it would be up to you to gauge whether the following is a way to disassociate or a way to help) i find “taking a break” from the intensity helps…i go pet my three puppies…i sit in the sun….i take a shower (water helps me)….i watch an episode of something that cracks me up. the shift in perspective and “getting outside myself” can help me see things differently when i return to them. this especially helps when i have been overthinking something.

6–sometimes the best thing to do is to reach out to someone who loves you well. and is wise. and empathic. and wants for you what you want for you. sometimes the best thing to do is to ask someone for help. we need each other as human beings. our hearts, bodies, brains, and souls benefit from this sacred interdependence. we can avail ourselves of the friends and mentors we have all around us in our times of need. and of course we would offer the same right back when appropriate. xo

there are many more, but these are the top ones off the top of my head. big hug! xo